It Boils Down to Me

My, My, My, has it been quite a while.
A little over a year has gone by and my how things have changed.
I have gone from a little girl in a small town to a little bit bigger girl in an even smaller town...
If that makes any sense.
I have finished my first year of college and am almost halfway through my second year.
I have seen many, many failures.
I have tested my own sanity too many times to count.
Papers have eaten away at my sleep patterns because my little friend procrastination was always knocking on my door.
I have wondered whether all this stress was worth it.
Is everything I am putting myself through worth it on the end?
Am I doing this for myself? Or am I just doing this to please my parents?
I have tested my parents patients and for the first time in my life went 3 days without so much as a word to either of them.

Its a scary thing to realize that all of this is a part of growing up. I am starting to push the limits and really discover where I stand as an individual. I have come to realize that my view on things is not going to agree with everyone else's and in some cases I will look to defy the views of others in order to see out what I believe in. I have only begun to scratch the surface on finding my true self. There is still a lot more learning that I have to do. I am still incredibly uncertain as to what I want to do with my life. I have to tell myself that just because one person doesn't see your potential, you may be exactly what someone else was looking for. I have to believe in myself that i have power over my life. In the end I am the only one that can make things happen. I am the ultimate controller of the outcome. And it all comes down to what I put into it and my ability to do what I love and what I believe is right despite what others may think. I have to learn that my actions will never please everyone, and along the way I may loose the respect of some people, but in the end all that means is they were not worth my time. The ones who are still there in the end are the ones that truly matter.  It all boils down to how I overcome all these obstacles and create my own sense of bliss.

Hold your Composure

If you could open up my head, un screw it and undo the seams you would find a mess of thoughts. Swirling about my mind. Undo the hinges that hold together my composure and find a small girl who is really terrified of what is looming in the future. You would see a girl cowardly trying to hide away from the world. On the outside you see a girl trying to hold it together, acting like she can handle anything, helping people deal with their fears and giving advice when in reality the person who needs to listen to that advice the most is herself. Dealing with others problems is a way to escape hers. You would find that she's scared. Really scared of what the future holds. You will see that she wonders if she will be okay, will she be good enough? will she be strong enough?
      If you could open up my mind. You would discover what goes through my mind, 24/7. You would find a person trying to keep up with everyone's expectations. Trying to push her limits without going crazy. Someone trying to keep sane with the rapid pace of their life.
        If you could open up my head, unscrew it and undo the seams you would find the real me.

Time seems to fly these days. Minuets turns to hours hours turns to days and suddenly i realize that everything is going to be changing really fast. And  i dont know if i'm fully ready. I have to be though.
   Its scary to think that in a few short months everything will be different. Everything will be new. Nothing will be familiar. New faces, New places. Its scary to think that I wont have any constants. But im  excited all the same. I need this. I need New. One can only stay in the same place for so loong and not want to punch everyone in the face.
               Scary, Terrifying, Interesting, Exciting, New.
 But for now. Im going to enjoy my last few months in this town for a while.

Dim

Thats how i feel. Dim. Not as bright and cheery as i usually am. Its kind of like there is a constant fog that lay over my emotions. Im not depressed. I'm just not happy. I want something more, i need something new. or somewhere new. I need new. i need to find the happy me again. I feel like im losing my self. Losing grasp on reality and fading way to far into my dreams.

An Introduction

Hello there! Whomever you are. Allow me to introduce myself My name is Morgan Flick. I live in a small town somewhere in the United States of America. yes I am an american. But if you think that i'm one of those backwoods, country music loving, tractor driving red necks. You have thought wrong. I may come from a place that is full of them but I couldn't be anymore different from them. I am a different individual. But then again I am just like everyone else. I am trying to find my place in this world, trying to fit in with society and its harsh expectations. I try to find ways for people to accept me for who I am and then nicely telling them to screw off if they dont respect who I am and what I stand for. I will not change for anyone. I a who I am and if you dont like it then dont bother with my time. I am a nice person. I always see the good in people and I am often surprised to find out people are not always who i think they are. But that is life right? This Blog is ment to be sort of a diary. I will express my thoughts and feelings about whats going on in my life.